Honey Chocos & Caramel Bites

all you see here are negative and bad entries

2010-07-14T20:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes, you just need a breath of fresh air.

to turn things around, that is.

open your eyes, and you will see

2010-07-07T20:41:00.004+08:00

fucking irritated. what makes you hate my race so much. what do I have to show YOU to make all of you understand that though we are of the same race, we are not of the same kind. THEY were the ones who chose to be like that, to be uncivilised, uneducated, and down right ugly. However I chose to carve out my life to be a good man, to do good.

And yet most people choose to portray an image of myself as a typical malay MAT. now i'm telling you, i'm different. you may have heard that coming from others, but i can tell you i don't sit under the void deck smoking and drinking away while playing the guitar, i don't have tattoos of dragons or whatsoever, i don't make other people's daughters pregnant, i don't live off my folks' money, i didn't drop out of school and do odd jobs, i don't colour my hair and have strange piercings, i don't wear tapered pants, i don't act rowdily on public transportation, and i definitely don't have a dozen of profanities in each sentence i speak. if that's what you think of us, then you're definitely seeing the other side.

I, for you information, do not fall in any of those categories.

So which of these elements make me your typical portrayal of a gangster mat?

its you that makes me, me.

2010-07-05T22:33:00.002+08:00

pondering over small little problems for a prolonged period isn't good. its ironic how i persuade people to talk their problems out, offering a listening ear and shoulder to cry on if need be, but in turn keeping all my problems to myself, not wanting anyone to be burdened with knowing what i'm going through.

life's full of ups and downs. you just know how to live with it. friends and family are there to make life more interesting, are meaningful.

random, i know, but somehow jotting this down reminds myself that life is worth living, one moment at a time.

all work and no play makes Wednesday a dull boy

2010-06-07T01:25:00.002+08:00

econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths econs maths.

that's all that is running through my mind at the moment.

classes are so fast paced that the 3 hours in the lecture theater seemed like a fraction of the time. lecture mates who i don't know and haven't spoke to yet, invited me to join them for lunch. nice people of course. maybe because i'm the only guy of the minority race in class?

stanchart marathon, you are the greatest challenge for me this year. i will overcome you. cos on 1st january 2010, i vowed to conquer you. muahahahaha.

don't lie to me

2010-05-30T22:24:00.001+08:00

hopeless romantic indeed

imma chargin' ma lazer

2010-05-17T01:12:00.002+08:00

desires are dangerous. you want them, but then again, you ask yourself, is it a need, or is it a want. and then you back away, probably regretting the decision after some time.

then again, buying things on impulse, is also very dangerous, because... you know why.

and an interesting moment to share. a lady and i were trying to go through a door, so naturally, you'll let the lady pass through first, and open the door for her. so that's exactly what i did, with no other intentions other than to open the door and walk through, and of course give a little smile.

but this lady's boyfriend/fiancé/husband/asshole was on the other side of the glass door and apparently, thought that i was hitting on the lady. he shot me a stare, grabbed the lady's hand and walked away.

what a jerk. these men do exist.

out with the fun, in with the stress

2010-05-03T06:42:00.002+08:00

now that the awesome weekends are over, its back to problematic recruits, counselling the troubled ones and screwing the naughty ones. a new bunch of PES C2C9's aka recruits with medical problems coming in on tuesday, and to top it off, bridging classes officially kick off this coming weekend.

let's do this.

helping hand

2010-04-22T22:30:00.003+08:00

i want to end poverty, but not in a million years would i ever be able to do such a feat. the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. what can i, an average singaporean, be able to do to help these people?

you know, i'm in the spirit of community involvement these days, and the experience has been enjoyable. i feel like going to cambodia or maybe be a bit adventurous and travel to africa, and do a little charity work. its gonna be fun, for me at least.

zonked

2010-04-14T20:51:00.001+08:00

now tell me, where the hell am i gonna fork out 17k.

hell of a mad bull

2010-04-07T20:37:00.003+08:00

Bad day, bad day.

Now tell me, how sensible is it, to keep and look after a pet hamster, 3 in fact, in your camp's bunk. What baffles me, is why put in the extra effort to buy a hamster playground cage thingy, and all the other necessities, just so you can house some fuckin hamsters somebody gave you, in the bunk.

And with that, not coming down to assist in lessons, not taking care of the trainees, and not being fucking responsible enough to tell us where you disappeared to. Tell me, what is your primary jobscope? To look after fucking hamsters?

You can't look after the trainees well, and now you want to look after pets? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Yes guys, these 'instructors' are doing all this shit.

So where in the bunk do you keep the cage? Oh, that clean corner over there, which also happens to be right next to my fucking bed and locker. Clean no more, it now stinks and its terribly dirty.

Ok so during lunch, everyone takes a nap on their beds. But i fucking can't even close my eyes without getting distracted by the squeaks and the fucking instructors playing with their pets just beside me.

So i fucking go to the office, and take a nap on the sofa.

What next? Half an hour later, all of them boarded the bus to go to the place where they are supposed to do some community shit, and left me in the office. The admin peeps came in, and asked me why i didn't leave with the rest, and i had no fucking idea why they didn't even realise i wasn't with them.

At the end of the day, you just can't vent your anger on anyone. They could still ask me why i wasn't angry. As a matter of fact, i was infuriated. I just sucked it in. I fucking sucked it in.

You put on that smile, when you know deep down inside you just want to gorge someones eyes out and feed it to the alligators.

So guys, when feeling angry, hit the gym. Go for a run. You'll be amazed how anger can make you lift heavier weights, and run extra miles. Trust me, i just did.

may God give him strength

2010-04-07T20:23:00.004+08:00

Its tragic news. My ex-platoon commander, and one of the nicest guys i know, got into an accident. Yes, a bike accident. I just can't bring myself to type out the dreadful details of the series of events. I rushed down to the hospital late at night. Honestly, the sight of weeping family members, friends offering their support, is just, heartbreaking.

Still unconscious, and going to be put through a series of operations, i just can't imagine the pain, the suffering. And with a high chance of being paralyzed, it'll be even more devastating. This young lad just celebrated his 21st birthday the day before. And i never knew the phone call to him would be the last one before i got the news.

Muhaimin, you've a bright future ahead of you. NTU awaits you this August. You have a family, your younger siblings misses you. Your girlfriend is waiting for you. Your friends, we all miss you. I know you're strong, so fight, fight for your life, for we all know you are one person that'll never give up.

You are in my prayers, all day long.

I don't want to lose another friend this way. To all my friends, ride safely.

crunch time

2010-03-31T21:44:00.002+08:00

during my run, i couldn't stop thinking about stuff. you know, issues. everyone has issues, but its disturbing when you constantly think about it the whole 5 kilometers.

and it doesn't help when you got nobody to talk to since everyone else is neck deep in assignments and work related issues and what not. lucky i got a few felines who seemingly listen attentively to my rants while hogging the keyboard for its personal resting place.

and i got this recruit who can solve a 3 by 3 rubik's cube in 14 seconds. 24 seconds when using one hand. and he did this megamix thingy with 12 different colours, all in 3 minutes. this guy is a genius!

quote taken from somewhere:

34 people have bird flu, everyone wants to wear a mask

34 million people have AIDS, yet there are still people who refuse to wear a condom.

interesting.

drats

2010-03-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

do you know how i feel? does anybody know how everybody else feels? cos sure as hell i don't know how YOU feel.

well i guess you should take some time to stop and observe. cos i hate playing this game. all of you.

i'd sing this to you

2010-03-19T00:09:00.001+08:00

run baby run

2010-03-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

approximately 10km or so and my legs are hurting like hell. blame it on the rain that abruptly ended my run and made me sit at choa chu kang mrt waiting for it to stop. by the time i was up and running again, i already cooled down.

lesson learnt, bring along an ez-link, at least.

facebook; it should appear as a module in today's education. it seems its essential and the social norm to have one. you're 'uncool' if you don't have one, cos your buddies can't tag you in their photos. bah.

and the talk about employers digging up their future employee's background through these means are disturbing. gotta agree that you can practically 'spy' on anyone, unless they have that privacy setting in place.

its like bumping into an old mate you've not seen for years, and the first thing he asks was 'how was the vacation?'. creepy, yes, but chances are, you're oblivious that you yourself told the whole world.

and tweeter. so much for micro blogging. like one comedian put it, would you shout at the top of your lungs in a shopping mall that you've just bought, say, an iPhone? no? then why would you tell the whole world? world wide web nevertheless.

technology, makes practically everyone an undercover spy.

fo shizzle ma nizzle

2010-03-06T12:09:00.002+08:00

i miss those times where i could walk in the rain and not get sick.

ilovebeingsunburnt.com

2010-02-18T22:36:00.001+08:00

i wrote a damn long essay to a bank who was interested in employing me. now tell me, who finds it difficult to blow your own horn?

and yes,

Happy birthday Grace and Mel.

anyone?

2010-02-09T22:36:00.001+08:00

i want to watch Dear John.

Cos its movies like this that i love.

its time's like this...

2010-02-09T08:13:00.001+08:00

No aim
No education
No money
No honey
No life

How like that?

Happy Birthday To Me

2010-01-27T19:24:00.003+08:00

Its great to have your sister's birthday two days before, and your mum's birthday two days after. Cos you don't have money to pamper yourself after you've pampered them.

Aren't i a good son and brother?

I like.

Operation; gives me the chills.

2010-01-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

Wish me well.

And i would just like to say...

2009-12-31T19:09:00.003+08:00

Well before '09 comes to a close, here i am shocked by a certain friend's involvement in an accident, in which her better half is in ICU at the moment. I know its hard, but be strong.

Speaking of that, just a few weeks back, i lost another friend, who was also my recruit, in a bike accident. Not being morbid in any way, that's the 7th friend i lost, and the 5th due to a Road Traffic Accident.

So please, my dear friends, please ride/drive safely.

On a lighter note, lets see what 2009 had in store for me.

First of all, i started the year right after i lost 18kg off my body weight. Well, though i've gained back a little, next year's goal is to bring my weight bak down again.

National commitments wise, i'm taking all that 'extra duties' and stuff with a pinch of salt. Looking on the bright side, i've met many different people from all walks of life, and in some way or another, made a difference in their lives, without me realising it. The sense of satisfaction arises when one of your men under you comes up to you and says 'Sir, on behalf of the platoon, we are gonna miss you cos it was because of you that was the one that gave us hope.'

Coming in the form of a card, from a tattoo clad lad (not stereotyping mind you), that just goes to show that anybody can change and you can change anybody. Sincerely touched.

Family, as some people say, they really give 2 shits about you. Mind my French, but what i was really trying to say is that family, especially for me, is my life. My folks are the best. Never a dull moment in the Riduwan household. Though i may not be a good son or brother yet, i'm sure gonna work on it.

Friends, they come, but they never go. They don't because you just don't put in that extra effort to catch up with them. If you don't cross paths, chances are you won't know where the hell the other person is.

But for those who matter, you take a little extra step out of the way, to send a simple yet meaningful text to them, meeting them once in a while, and still having that special bond, as though the last time you met them was only yesterday.

I'm blessed to have such a wide array of fantastic friends, who have never made any moment being with them a bad one.

My better half, well i don't have one so lets just skip that.

Well.... I guess Cupid can't seem to aim his arrows well enough to hit me, either that or i'm just immune to his spells or whatever you call that.

Everyone has a dream girl, i did too. But then this person i admired was better than the dream girl i had in mind. Why? Because she was real. Oh well, that was the past.

And yes, many friends got hooked up this year. Great to hear, and very happy for you people.

That's just a piece of my mind, for now.

My sincere apologies to those i have hurt, be it physically or emotionally. I never meant any harm. If my words were too poisonous for you to handle, i guess you just need the right antibiotic to counter it.

Let 2010 be a better year for all of you.

Love you all :x

S.

awkward silence, awkward moments

2009-12-31T01:14:00.003+08:00

not to mention the rodeo cowboy wannabe taxi driver which Aung and I were practically holding back our laughter for the whole trip. turned out to be a karaoke ride with us singing to Hotel California.

by the way, nice cowboy hat, uncle!

talk cock? If cock's can talk, then....

2009-12-27T20:20:00.002+08:00

if you put two ice cubes next to each other, they'll never melt 'cos they keep each other cold.

whenever i'm with you, i always spin myself around in a clockwise direction, slowing the the earth's anti-clockwise rotation, thus slowing time so i could spend more time with you.

Its like a chicken that wants to fly, but cannot fly, so it takes a ride on a helicopter.

ignorance is your new best friend

2009-12-27T20:17:00.000+08:00

don't you think so?

life

2009-12-05T23:58:00.001+08:00

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

google wave

2009-12-04T00:31:00.001+08:00

this google wave thingy is cool

coffee

2009-11-15T19:27:00.001+08:00

teary eyed

2009-11-08T15:51:00.002+08:00

My Sister's Keeper was awesome.

BUT the ending was very, very different from the novel. Great movie nevertheless. Almost everyone was teary eyed, endless sobbing and sniffing throughout, so i might as well join the bandwagon and put a few eye drops in my eyes to fake some tears.

Go watch it, before you become a loser just because you had to buy the DVD cos it doesn't screen in theaters anymore.

when it comes to...

2009-11-08T02:52:00.001+08:00

morals. ethics. values.

you'd never understand them, not until it affects you, and hits you hard.

jack johnson is the sex

2009-10-24T15:01:00.000+08:00

I've got an angel
She doesn't wear any wings
She wears a heart that can melt my own
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing

She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She could make angels
I've seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you've got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile can change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh

ouch

2009-10-12T21:08:00.001+08:00

now's the time i start wondering where it went wrong.

old school poem shit

2009-10-09T22:55:00.003+08:00

My world is dark without my sunlight,
Without a single trace of white.
But with you I feel very much alright,
Will you ever be my bright sunlight?

now that's one kick ass emo stanza from a poem i wrote waaaayyyy back. looking back at all those poems, i really was an emo kid, writing poems on my 'O' level prelims question paper? hahahahahahahhaa.

an interesting conversation

2009-10-07T13:42:00.003+08:00

Me: Recruit! Come here!
Rec: Yes sir.
Me: You're not local, so where did you come from?
Rec: Azerbaijan sir.
Me: Interesting. Ok, go back.
Instructor X: Huh? Where you come from again?
Rec: Azerbaijan.
Instructor X: Ohhh, pasir panjang.
Me: WTF?

I NEARLY DIED LAUGHING.

point taken

2009-09-23T22:28:00.003+08:00

in a nutshell:

- rule of thumb, never sheesha in an enclosed place, because after just 10 minutes, my head was spinning like a pro-yo yo-yo.

- walking through geylang serai a few days prior to hari raya is like being at the nike human race starting point, you know, how they illustrate it on the posters.

- first day of hari raya, some old chinese lady fell down and died a few blocks away from mine. police and the ever reliant thong aik boys were removing the body as i pulled into the carpark. tragic.

- some distant relative asked me where my fiance was, and i was utterly shocked/surprised/baffled. hey, i don't even have a girlfriend yo.

- found myself watching gossip girl, heroes, how i met your mother, and all those other series just because the critics said it was cool.

- time traveller's wife. two thumbs up.

- and happy birthday september babies. like siti petom bte ahmad jani (not her real name mind you), mark the muscleman, ashwin-born-on-911, kevin who's malaysian but stay's in singapore but goes to a school in the UK but he's cool nevertheless, jayina the girl that's supposed to plan a dinner, devaraj s/o gansean's dream girl (HAHAHA) and all those other fantastic people out there.

- come on dave, you know that's a joke right?

okthxbye

chillax mode

2009-09-20T08:44:00.000+08:00

How 'bout a night to chill over a couple of drinks. What say you?

the kindness movement is a propaganda

2009-09-10T04:18:00.002+08:00

today i helped this hot chick who accidentally spilled the contents of her small purse across the floor at Jurong Point. well how nice was it of me to gather her handphone, coin pouch and some letters before other shoppers trotted on them.

well, only to be given a quick glance and an apparent 'thanks', or so i think from the movement of her lips cos i really couldn't hear anything.

being helpful is.... a chore sometimes. waaaahahahaha.

busking

2009-09-06T13:06:00.003+08:00

is the new thrill.
month-end.

watch. listen. enjoy.

sweetness

2009-09-05T11:19:00.000+08:00

...is well defined.

the freakiest duty. ever.

2009-08-29T07:26:00.000+08:00

that shrill laughter.
the sudden flickering lights.

Holy crap it wasn't this scary as compared to the cemetery night walk.

hyper-retard

2009-08-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

face the facts
i don't exist

soul searcher

2009-08-22T00:09:00.002+08:00

slouched on the sofa, i couldn't help but to get lost in thoughts for that hour or two. i'm mentally drained out. i finished a book in record time, and i was left pondering the rest of the day. it was 3 going on 4 cups of coffee already.

where are you when i need you.

screw the superiors

2009-08-14T01:06:00.002+08:00

work was a bitch today. NS is ultimately about NSF's vs. regulars.
i blew my top, which could jolly well end up with a charge or two.

but the night was otherwise. totally took my mind off work. totally.
just a couple of close knit friends and a fantastic duo with guitars sealed the deal. plus a four cheese pizza and a red bull punch to top it off.

she said i deserve one

2009-08-13T01:24:00.000+08:00

bloody hell i do

transformers

2009-08-05T21:04:00.002+08:00

yes, i just have to be a loser this time round cos i haven't had the opportunity to catch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, due to some hiccups here and there. its like so yesterday, still i'm kept in the dark when others talk about the 'must see' movie this year.

and i soooo wanna catch My Sister's Keeper. hopefully the print-to-screen adaptation is superb.

other than that, its just me and my books. bahh.

no kidding

2009-08-03T21:19:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna work 14 days straight, and i'm already into my 8th day of torture. weekends are virtually gone, and national day is not a holiday, at least for me, well, that's because i'm on duty right where the action is. drats.

so its only evenings do i get to enjoy being myself, sadly.

10th august please come by faster, cos you're my long awaited rest day.

RESPECT sama lu!

2009-07-24T19:41:00.004+08:00

This Loo Zihan, I have the utmost respect for him. In case you didn't know, he actually gave a valedictorian speech on his graduation ceremony at NTU, which was kick ass.

Go Google it, or find it on YouTube. At least there are people out there who dare to speak what they think is right, more so in his valedictorian speech. We need more thick skinned, brave and courageous people like him haha!

Kudos

bo liao

2009-07-22T20:18:00.002+08:00

read that at 12h 34min 56sec on the 7th of August 2009, something amazing happens.
the amazing thing is the succession of numbers in the time and date.

12:34:56 7/8/09

cool stuff. i'm gonna turn into superman.

Too gentle a man

2009-07-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

Take my innocence
My life, my soul
Love's the essence
Be strong, be bold

'Cos you're all sugar and spice, and everything thats nice.

alas

2009-07-12T21:12:00.002+08:00

some silent laws our hearts will make
which they shall long obey
we for the year to come may take
our temper from today

and from the blessed power that rolls
about, below, above
we'll frame the measure of our souls
they shall be tuned to love

then come, my sister! come, i pray
with speed put on your woodland dress
and bring no book, for this one day
we'll give it to idleness.

usaaaaaaain bolt

2009-07-06T20:27:00.001+08:00

the good, the bad, and the UGLY

2009-07-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

i must reiterate the fact that i abhor commuters who are oblivious to basic social etiquette. truly singaporean? oh what must we do to erase this stereotype.

i'm very much incensed when fellow bus or mrt passengers blast music from their mobile phones. technology's so advanced now that they think only they can hear the music, and no one else. i was on the bus and this ah pek beside me was playing old school chinese songs.

and ontop of the splitting headache, the malodorous stench of body odour from the drenched-in-sweat guy infront and the unusually dodgy bus ride, i had to endure the same song on repeat for the entire bus journey.

to make things worse, my trusted pair or earphones were not with me. imagine the torment!

there's a reason why mr-earphone-inventor created those gizmos. firstly, some just want a peaceful bus journey, secondly, not everyone has the same music taste as you. and for God's sake, you can even SING TO THE MUSIC!

definitely not my first encounter, and not my last. teens and senior citizens alike, from techno to oldies, tell me, who hasn't experienced such situations huh?

and the next thing that riled me even more, the mad rush for a vacant seat.

i can't believe a grown man dressed in a business suit, actually bulldozed his way, annahilating all in his path, just to grab a seat that was approximately 2 metres away from him on the mrt. yes, i'm one of the poor souls he nudged en route to his seat.

best thing is, he didn't get it, an old lady sat down when he was halfway there.

the poor chap beside me was clutching on to his rib cage, seemingly being brutally elbowed by mr kancheong-fucking-spider. and he stepped on my toes; twice.

me being me, and a sarcastic one specially for today, gave out a loud haiyoh and mumbled a 'kancheong ohhhh' to the ribcage dude beside me. and of course, if the stares from the others in the cabin didn't embarass him, then his skin must be so thick, even a doctor would have to hammer a neeedle in him just to give him an injection.

the last spectacle for the day.

maybe its just me, or maybe i've been missing the sights and sounds of a morning crowd. well i don't take the mrt to work so today was quite a sight.

walking through the bus interchange towards the mrt station, i saw from afar a ridiculously long, boundless and lengthy queue that stretched almost a 100 metres. that defnitely wasn't a bus queue, neither would anyone queue up for a cup of teh tarik.

as i inched closer, i tried to unearth the head of the line. i actually chuckled to myself when i found out that everyone was getting in line for a copy of Today, the FREE newspaper. call me gundoo or whatever, but that was the first time i saw such a spectacle, the last being the infamous hello kitty craze.

nothing beats travelling on public transport. another day, another adventure.

emails; they can sometimes be enlightening

2009-07-01T18:21:00.000+08:00

A man was polishing his new car; his 4 yr old son picked up a stone & scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious man took his child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless.

He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions... sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His son had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'. Next day that man committed suicide...

Anger and Love have no limits.

"Things are to be used and people are to be loved"

But the problem in today's world is....

"People are being USED & Things are being LOVED"

lala land

2009-06-25T22:26:00.001+08:00

4 days straight, same dream, same situation, same people.
please tell me this is NOT a sign.

and when the beast awakens

2009-06-05T00:29:00.003+08:00

you wouldn't spot me amidst the bustling crowd, but that doesn't make me a lad with a dull personality. you see, perception is a sinful tool, because you'll judge something, or someone before even getting to know him.

out of all the atrocity at how people perceive other innocent bystanders, i wonder how palm readers tell you your personality. random yes, but i just got tormented for approximately 30-omg-long seconds by a lady who was accusing me of trying to walk away with her card holder.

okay so the thing is, syafi here was walking amongst the busy Thursday crowd, when he heard a sound, like leather on ceramic. intriguingly enough, a small wallet, or a card holder, was left lying a few meters in front of him.

well i picked it up of course and looked around for its poor owner, standing like a fool, with people shoving me out of their way. and just as i was about to dig into its contents to find some form of identification, a hand grabbed the wallet from my hand.

oh wow, a lady. next thing, she was accusing me of not returning the wallet, and how she'd call the police and blah blah blah. it was all gibberish to me until the part she mentioned 'you Malays are all the same, take advantage of others only'.

The circuit board in my head suddenly went haywire. i replied a fucking loud 'EXCUSE ME?', showed her the middle finger, said 'you weren't expecting this, were you?' and walked off.

You wanted to see an uncivilized Malay, there, you got it. Fuck you understand? I never would have done that if you hadn't mentioned any racial discrimination. a word of thanks would be all but sufficient enough, but as accusations flew in from all corners, and the fact that bad habits that other people of my kind cultivate and that it also reflects on me, is totally unacceptable.

and from what i saw, your wallet only contained an ez-link, an atm card and some screwed up pictures of you and your equally ignorant boy-fuck-friend. even if i was tempted, i wouldn't risk it for a couple of useless cards and a hideous picture. so what if you were clad in some cheesy office attire, your make up was horrendous, even my cat would take cover under my table if she'd saw you. where's the manners, bitch?

i was red faced as i walked away, partly because of the immense anger and ferocity that had built up, and also because 82390345203598 random eyes were staring at my direction.

come to think of it, today was bloody interesting, not to mention disheartening. kinda regretted screwing that lady, cos she'd be havinbg nightmares of me.

oh what the hell.

you were

2009-06-01T23:34:00.003+08:00

if i had my way, i'd let it off my chest
i'll tell you everything, how it started up till now
i would, if i could.

but for now, its yet another chapter in a book, closed, on the shelf, waiting for the next person to pick it up again.

sweetness

2009-06-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

choleric

2009-05-31T01:51:00.002+08:00

i was irked; could you tell?
spare me the antics. anytime, anytime but then.

its what matters

2009-05-25T15:26:00.002+08:00

We are not brothers by blood,
But we are brothers by heart.

spectacle under the ocean

2009-05-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

out of a sudden, i have the urge to go scuba diving
so that i can swim among the fishes
admire the life down below
and enjoy that state of neutral buoyancy.

the thing is, nobody wants to join me.

full time filial son ;)

2009-05-11T00:40:00.001+08:00

happy mothers' day, dearest mom.

say...

2009-05-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

every me and every you

****

2009-04-27T22:25:00.000+08:00

fuck you

Life's treasures

2009-04-13T22:05:00.002+08:00

Instead of sharing photo's and memories of your youth with your children, why don't you share your youth with them. Go sky diving together, go explore a jungle, maybe bungee jump together, that way, he'll remember it more than just looking at photos.

How true.

I met these two gentlemen through a friend's party, and boy, we talked all the way till the wee hours of the morn. Its quite enriching, hearing people's stories, how they have succeeded in life, giving back to society, living a comfortable life yet having this down to earth attitude as well.

We had a lot in common to talk about as well.

The power of socialising.

Food for thought:

Even though you think you have 500+++ friends of "Facebook", how many will turn up at your funeral? No no, no suicidal thoughts, but it really got me thinking after a comment was passed on this issue.

I'd say only a handful.

and we all fall down

2009-04-04T12:46:00.002+08:00

i prefer not to interrupt, nor give my opinions.
neutral party, that's the way it should be.

this bench's reserved

2009-03-29T23:13:00.003+08:00

i could sit here all day long, and just stare out into space.
i could wash away, and forget all the problems that have been bugging me.
sitting here is way better than taking drugs.

oh what the fuck am i talking about.

but its an awesome view,
on a bench for two.

fiery

2009-03-28T11:28:00.004+08:00

i was so damn fucking angry, i bellowed out fire from within.
another typical day at work, with complications and frustration.
now who said it would be easy working with a mind filled with uncertainty, problems creeping in from all angles, stress level reaching its peak, and also while sleep deprived.

its hard. so to all those that i unintentionally let my fury out on you, i apologise.
that wasnt me.

sorry peeps.

work so hard for fuck

2009-03-27T16:56:00.002+08:00

life sucks, take drugs.
pop a chill pill.
burn your lungs with nicotine.
walk blindfolded across the highway.

the week's bad, whats more to come.

Say cheese fries

2009-03-25T13:00:00.000+08:00

This blog lyka dead only.

Sports camp = over.

The best part was 10 grown men, all well above 20 years of age, cam whoring and doing nonsensical stuff in the middle of the road, using a bloody DSLR to cam whore. Thats what i call cam whore level 99. I repeat MEN, not a single female around (well they do it best right).

Cool shit.

laser mouth

2009-03-21T23:20:00.002+08:00

i'm really sorry if i spoke a word too many.
if really did go overboard, i'm sorry too.
i should really stop all this teasing and nonsense.

i really do feel bad. i think and react the way you do too. we have the same principles, i believe i've told you before, but sometimes the heart is stronger than the brain, i agree. maybe the pictures were the last straw, maybe she felt awkward, maybe you did too.

maybe it was me that caused the emo-ness and all that shit.

i'm sorry.

i really am.

sad face :(

2009-03-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

And so, Syafi can wait
He knows it's too late as she's walking on by
His soul slides away
Don't look back in anger
I heard you say.

i want nobody, nobody but you =)

2009-03-09T18:27:00.002+08:00

you know what, we could do this on campfire's night.
gonna be lots of grown up men, dancing this cute little song.

kick ass.

bahh

2009-03-08T23:45:00.003+08:00

i'm tearing out my hair.
i don't know why, but i'm disillusioned with everything.
this is dangerous.
it really is.

mind you.

goooooooodness gracious me

2009-03-06T19:00:00.002+08:00

getting sun burnt is so not cool.
and when the skin starts peeling off, that's worst.

i'm definitely not myself lately.

its like santa claus being claustrophobic. it never does happen cos he won't even have the guts to slide down a chimney. i think its the weather~~

and to see you like that, is no way fascinating.

i looked outside my window and saw...

2009-02-25T18:51:00.002+08:00

This valentine's, i would have...

2009-02-14T23:36:00.003+08:00

I'd stash lots of rose petals behind the sun visor on the passenger side of my car, and scribble a "I Love You" note on it. As I'm driving, I'll tell her there's a mark or something on her cheek, and once she pulls down the visor to use the mirror, ta-dah, she gets showered with rose petals and a lovely note.

I'll then pull out a dozen red roses, eleven of which are real, and in the center, an artificial one. Along with it comes a note with “I will love you until the last rose fades” attached to it.

When she thinks that's about it, I'll tell her that I'll always want to be there for her, even thought I can't be with her all the time. So I've gone through the extra mile to have someone watch over her and be her personal bodyguard. And I'll pull out a little cuddly teddy bear to give her.

The rest of the night, they say, is history.

wrong timing, babe

2009-02-03T21:50:00.000+08:00

darn, i'm sick.

big deal

2009-01-29T00:29:00.001+08:00

a 21st not worth remembering. urgh.

but thanks for the wishes. appreciate it =)

the sun, the son, and the twenty one

2009-01-27T23:01:00.003+08:00

and so i stood by the window at 5.30pm, with two pairs of shade across my face, hoping to catch a glimpse of the much talked about eclipse. and yes, it was my virgin stargazing occasion, so i didn't really know what to expect (hence the thought of the opening scene of 'Heroes' kept playing in my mind).

though it wasnt really a full eclipse, but boy, the sight of the sun with a bite taken out of it was truly mesmerizing, jaw dropping, definitely a sight for sore eyes (literally). i was utterly captivated, and fascinated at such a marvel that only only happens once in a while.

other than that, the long weekend's pretty much monotonous.

dad said the boy's room needed a revamp, and the whole of today was spent reshuffling every furniture in the confined space, out with the old and... no, not in with the new haha!

oh look, the time's 11pm. i thought i could timbre or have a night out with friends to celebrate my 21st, but oh well, its chinese new year, everyone's busy. in an hours time, i'm TWENTY ONE BABES!

as if i was looking forward to it.

ps: alvin lee's in ICU, hope all goes well for him.

a la resume

2009-01-24T12:51:00.003+08:00

hi my name is syafi, i'm single and ready to mingle. i got a diploma that is rather useless now in this ailing economy and at your first glance, you'll expect me to be a chap that brews a particularly malodorous product hanging from my lips. none of that sort rather. be ready to confess yourselves utterly taken aback when i say i got my tonsils removed. ok that was crap.

holy shit I'm damn bored! please make this extra long weekend worth it.

old chap

2009-01-22T23:07:00.002+08:00

twenty-one

damn. what to do?

'A' class males

2009-01-21T21:33:00.002+08:00

a ladies man, the perfect gentlemen, chivalry, boyfriend material, dashing looks, the prince in shining armour.

how certain women remonstrate on the lack of such men existing in today's modern society is simply appalling. so you're looking for a modern day romeo? and dashing chap with a six figure annual paycheck?

no pun intended, but not all good looking guys are nice and nice looking guys good. err, whatever that meant.

teehee!

sunday? you mean its a sunday?

2009-01-18T23:41:00.003+08:00

what can you do on a sunday but to laze around with a book in handy.
sherlock holmes mind you, my all time favourite detective.

too hot to handle

2009-01-17T23:36:00.002+08:00

just when you thought that the banking industry was hot, think again. in light of the crashes in the stock market, and the economy taking a turn for the worse, banks are retrenching workers at an alarming rate.

my ex-colleagues are lucky enough not to be axed, but there are some who are already serving their 1 month notice. its that bad. well lets just hope that this year, all will go well, fingers crossed.

anger. what constitutes to a persons anger? i'm still baffled at myself, cos i can get enraged at the slightest of things, but stay calm and collected at some big issue. i flip, curse and get aggressive but sometimes, the cause of my anger doesn't warrant such asperities.

on another note, the weather has been surprisingly cool these few days. last night was s a very bleak and boisterous night, with the wind whistling shrilly through my bedroom window. the best thing about nights is that its so pitch black around certain parts of the neighborhood, that everyone you seem to see, is of a shade darker than the night itself. creepy huh.

well good night dear friends, cos i'm dead beat.

miss selaneous

2009-01-17T01:04:00.005+08:00

sometimes, i'd say she's awfully sweet.
at times, she's amazingly gorgeous.
and of course, her contagious smile mesmerizes even the blind man.

but darn.
she's such a beaut, an enchanter, a head turner and a stunner, that even marilyn monroe would be jealous of.

intriguing ey? skeptical rather.

blackjack

2009-01-14T21:03:00.003+08:00

and so the 14-day-old 2009 has plenty of surprises thus far. another fourteen and i'm twenty one. i don't get the big hoohah over the twenty one's but the anticipation every other person goes through is just overwhelming.

what about being twenty one? the cliche being oh my, i can watch a R21 movie now and many, many other foolish and pathetic celebratory terms. worse still i heard that when you're 21, you'll triumph in every blackjack game. nonsense of the highest degree.

oh come on, why celebrate a year being older? forever 21? please, spare me the fantasies. every year's birthday is the same. nothing much looking forward to.

i still remember, on my eighteenth birthday, i walked into a 7-eleven store and asked to buy a pack of cigarettes. The cashier promptly asked me to show her my IC, and i arrogantly flashed my IC in her face and said "i'm legal", and left the store.

no i didn't but the sticks but i just wanted to have the feeling of an eighteen year old. childish i know, but hey, i just turned 18!

probably i want to try something new this year. maybe go to a library, stand in the centre of the ground floor and, with all the tenacity and venom, shout HEY EVERYONE I'M 21!, get chased out by the security guard amidst the stares of strangers.

well at least they know that the crazy dude shouting his lungs out is 21.

oh silly silly me. maybe a run around the neighbour hood ought to do the trick.

blahhh

2009-01-12T23:58:00.003+08:00

i have this friend who doesn't understand what i'm writing here. so i'll make things a tad easier to understand.

ermm....

ok well i don't know what to say anyway. life's screwed up at the moment.

but hey, at least i had a few great chats with people whom i haven't met for quite some time. and pssst, there's loads of gossips too >.<

heh.

rants and loose pants

2009-01-11T01:11:00.002+08:00

hello 2009.

all it did was to greet me with shock. i didn't get the desired vocation i wanted, and now i'm stuck with a screwed up vocation, working with almost screwed up people, and lead a almost perfectly mundane environment, shouting and yelling at people trying to transform them into 'men'.

oh come on, so what if its a leadership role and 8-5 working hours. i'd rather learn something new and get more money. enough said.

secondly, the getting-into-a-uni vibe has hit me once again. i'd just stare into blank space, cracking my head and trying to foresee where i can go, what i can do. NUS? NTU? SMU? or some other fucking institution that will accept me. DEGREE i want a bloody DEGREE.

and with that argument with some losers really put the icing on the cake. i could've beat the shit out of them, but that'll strengthen the claim they had on me somehow or another. what was mentioned was pure vituperation. but damn, i could do without the stereotype mind you. i'm different.

its been bugging me since. the education system here is.... complicated. if i had a choice to turn back time, i would defnitely forego all the fun times i had and bury myself into heaps of books, memorising and revising all there was deemed necessary, get into a JC, and study my ass through uni. but hell, i chose another path. though i dont regret it, but look at me now.

lets just hope it doesnt get any worse than this. fingers crossed.

i totally immersed myself into reading. i was in dire need to get my mind off everything that i read a novel at godspeed. the library is a fantastic place to be. honestly.

damn i'm whining.

light up light up

2009-01-04T15:50:00.002+08:00

it was not too bad a night, but the company was great.

managed to see those faces that haven't been around for quite some time. its amazing that within a space of just a few weeks or months, people change, a lot. not only in their personality, but life issues and that stuff.

and i totally lost myself in thoughts on the balcony with the cool breeze brushing against my face, not until the thunderous laughter of the 'asshole game' players shook me out of that moment haha.

well what can i say, i've POP-ed. 3 months just like that.

two double o nine

2009-01-03T01:34:00.001+08:00

well a happy new year to you loves.
hope 2009 will treat you all well.

new year new beginnings, and a hope for a brighter start.

a trip down ocean avenue

2008-12-28T18:41:00.004+08:00

well what do you know, laptops?

shoes perhaps?

and ofcourse, you can't possibly find $6 Rayban's anywhere else.

sub standard

2008-12-27T12:23:00.001+08:00

well i guess they failed their math and spelling lessons in school. poor chap.

mr holiday

2008-12-25T22:31:00.003+08:00

The perks of getting a bed beside a window is this beautiful sunset. Imagine lying down on your bed facing the window and looking out while the sun slowly vanishes behind the horizon. Beautiful.

Oh wow its christmas. Well it wasn't much of a holiday though. I seriously need a passport to great weekends.

awww

2008-12-14T19:00:00.002+08:00

your character supersedes your pulchritude, but nevertheless, you are a true gem.

darn. i'm getting this wanderlust vibe.

free to travel, travel for free

2008-12-08T15:24:00.002+08:00

i want to work with the national geographic. or discovery channel.

be it a photographer, camera crew, journalist or maybe just the van driver, i dont mind. as long as i can go all over the world, to exotic places, top of mountains, swim amongst the school of fishes or just go to some ancient civilisation, i really dont mind.

its this love for adventure and travel that has engulfed me since young. that bag packers feeling where you can do anything, anytime. no curfews to meet, no schedule to follow. how hedonistic can that be.

ok well i didnt go to redang or bangkok or some other place a few months ago, and that was kinda depressing. but hey, on the brighter side, at least i have more money to go travel to other awesome places.

yea right.

2008-12-08T07:17:00.000+08:00

The year's coming to a close real soon. But as i look back, i find that 2008 sucked. It was a roller coaster ride, really, with more of the downs than the ups.

Heartbreak after failure after sadness. Its a vicious cycle. After a while, you'll feel immune to all these and pretend as if nothing ever happened.

For all the battles in life, i'm losing this one.

what a day

2008-11-30T18:45:00.002+08:00

I have a friend, his name's Abdul Malik.
He passed away after being involved in a bike accident.
All his friends are equally shocked as i am now.
I'm speechless.

Rest in peace my friend.

Every me for every you

2008-11-23T15:13:00.000+08:00

hello you, you sort of had me at hello.
i think you swept me off my feet.
and you definitely made my heart skip a beat.

whoop dee doo

2008-11-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

finally at home on a WEEKDAY!

and so i got to book out today and enjoy civi life for an extra day.hmm nothing lined up for the weekend yet, but first things first, i'm so gonna run till i perspire the hell out of me.

well i was walking past the playground en route to home just now, and there was this bunch of 3 to 4 year old kids who were playing catching or some kiddo game. and as i walked past them, all of them suddenly stopped, looked up to me with awe and made the 'wahhh' sound.

one of them said 'fireman nee no nee no' in that little dreamy kiddy voice.

honestly, i couldn't help but to smile and blush hahahah. definitely a damn weird/hilarious/awkward moment. and kid, someday you'll be in the same shoes as me, and trust me, its either you love it or you hate it.

that aside, WEEKENDS HERE I COME!

oh blimey

2008-11-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

another boring weekend.
fucked up.